Numb inside?

Yesterday was a rather strange day as a whole for me.  I quite literally was "numb" from any kind of emotion.
No joy, no anger, no nothing, the day just existed, the work just progressed, and it wasn't even mind numbing, I was just emotionally non-existent.

I don't understand why of course but maybe with the mania of my life as of late this was just my way of letting down, letting go, definitely not letting loose, or just letting it all be.

It, of course, concerned me at first that "brain" part that tells you this is odd and wrong, you should feel something, anything, just definitely something.  I felt nothing.

I felt a bit like a robot going through the motions of the day but that was okay and "right" even though it was not supposed to be that way.

The only thing that seemed to spark anything inside was the thought of going for a hike, even the shortest of ones (2.5-3 miles).  Getting to the park that was my old daily stomping ground, the difficult trails that helped me drop my weight initially and even "warned" me of negative things to come in my life, was a good thing to go do.

These were familiar steps, paths, branches, waterways...a type of home.  Coming home to a safe and productive place, that was looking out for me even during desparate and scary times for me. 

Changing into my hiking boots, donning the day packed loaded as full as I could fill it and starting out...I felt an energy coming back to me.  The sun was literally caressing my skin, especially as I put my sunscreen on to protect my awesome ink in my skin...I knew this was the perfect thing for me to do. 

Taking on the toughest trails there, but again having to watch the time kept what I "wanted" to do to the minimum or I might still be hiking around the place this very moment.  I took the longest route and the most difficult trails in the direction that would push me the hardest. 

Feeling the sweat dropping from my nose, the breath fighting to get air, I knew I was alive inside again.  I never thought myself dead...far from it, but this was "my" time, this was for me, this was my "home", this was my challenge, this is what my body needed.  My muscles would start to feel the burn and slight ache from the angle of ascent on the trail and I would only for a moment consider pausing but I didn't.  I didn't dare in my head, for I am stronger than that...so not a pause was to happen until I returned safely back to my car.  And not a pause happened.  I pushed myself again.

The hike allowed me to feel alive again, the numbness left, a new found energy entered me; so now I need to honor it and use it to its fullest.  Remembering I am here for a reason and I am doing things in my life for a reason...be it being with Mr Man, be it dancing and teaching the dance I love (to the wonderful students that have blessed my dance floor), be it hiking and feeling the life that is out there or whatever else is planned for me.

Today was definitely not numb quite the opposite almost too much, but these feet will touch another trail and these lungs will breathe in the air that this Mother Earth has provided, along with seeing and being a part of the beauty she created.

Namaste'