Life Changes:::...

I wish I had written my thoughts down yesterday like I had intended.  Yesterday was a good day for me, today is not so much.

I was not anticipating that at this stage in my life that I would be dealing with the death of my Father.  He was vibrant, active, and yes, slowing down but full of life, but apparently his body said otherwise.

On August 19th, I saw my Father online - I messaged him, saying hello, and asking a question .... he never answered.  He "never" never answers.  Time passed and eventually the message light went out.  Little did I know how profound that little light would be in marking when my Father died. 

My Mother had contacted me and I contacted my Brother...all the stars had aligned apparently ...we pulled together instantly and were by my Mother's side as quickly as we could arrive.  We got to see my Father "sleep" one last time.

Events started to have to unfold immediately...funeral home, finding paperwork...you name it - it had to be done as quickly as possible to start the process to help my Mother.

The funeral home, I called....they took longer getting there than any of us were comfortable with...while we got to share time if desired with Dad...it was starting to feel weird, we wanted him taken care of properly.  They arrived and it was time for him to leave.  He left with the Flag properly draped over him...he deserved this and had earned the Right.  For he served his country proudly for 21 years in the Air Force, retiring as a Lt Col.  This comforted all of us during this time.

Since then it has been nothing but one thing after another - being there for one another, trying to figure out what/why etc. since this was unexpected.  But when we look back a lot of the indicators were there that this was going to happen soon, and fortunately, naturally.  He was not ill, it was just "His time"....doesn't mean we like it but that is comforting in itself.

The days following have been quite the roller coaster ride.  Decisions being made, that some might think were too soon or too rash, but we all have agreed so it means it is right for us.  People have been supportive, but I have to say there are some situations that I am confused about...pushing the line of hypocritical but I cannot worry about others in that manner.  They have to contend with that aspect within themselves, not me other than protecting those I love if need be.  I am there for my family and making sure that my Father is properly honored, remembered, and respected in the manner he deserved. 

The realistic part has not left me though...for my Father was not perfect, no Father is, and he had some severe issues that people have placed blame elsewhere and have cast a level of judgment that they have no right to do.  This is the time to maybe make amends and heal.  Unfortunately, my Father is no longer here to see this or be a part of it...but I hope he looks down and is trying to help it happen for family is truly the most important thing in life, we need to be there for one another.

Now, family is what you make it...chosen or blood, preferably both. :)