A lot has been happening, so what else is new.
My work location moved, my mother moved, others are going to move, too much stuff needs to move, and omg, I tired of packing and unpacking my life.
*chuckles* the only packing I want to do right now is backpacking...but the spring time and sunshine are not really cooperating currently. *grumble*
But I can say on some levels things are starting to balance a bit, but then something else comes up. Something else to worry about, something else to consider, something else that causes upheaval ... so we take that step forward to find out what it is and can be done.
With balance the sun is teasing us...so maybe just maybe the only packing I will do for a while soon will be the backpacking and hiking trips I long for and physically need.
My medical issues changing my body enough that I have packed on 25lbs from where I was a short three years ago is not only disheartening but down right frustrating. But I am trying to maintain a positive attitude as I get teased by the sun with hopes of finding my means of weight removal.
I know I seem obcessed but when my top weight in life was 218lbs and I am just under 5 foot tall, that is just too round and the health issues in my family...good gawd. So, I lost 48lbs the first time, the crap kicked in pushing me back up to 199lbs when I hit my "wall" slowly going back down to 185 then with some motivational help that I had...which honestly was minimal really but it apparently was what I needed at the time...it started to come off more quickly. I finally found my college weight again and made it to a standing 123-125lbs (with a short glance at 120)...I stayed stable at that weight for two years.
Then I met Mr Man...dinners and such caused me to gain 5lbs...but that stayed that way for nearly a year, then more life hit...the creep up began, the medical procedure was done and boom...here I am now the heaviest I have been in several years.
My doc would like me to be at 120, I just want to return to 125...so sunshine and hiking please help me find the way again :)
Along with that...a stress reliever for all the new found things that have been coming up...a more peaceful way of worrying and hoping for the best. So far so good...come on sunshine...Momma needs a new pair of shoes (hiking boots that is)
Bouncing all over the place but finally arrived here...are you there?
Ta Da
Friday, April 22, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Frustrated:::...
is an over used word but the only one that accurately describes things as of late.
Life in general has gotten to be overwhelming with all the deaths, the life upheavals, but also with a lot of joys mixed in.
My latest frustration has come to the dance, FORTUNATELY NOT with my students or classes but just the those that seem to propagate a lot of self promotion with no regard to the cost of their own integrity and ethics as well as to the community as a whole...it is amazing. AND disappointing. :(
I think I will leave it at that for now cause I have shared some on my ucanto blog.
But onto better things on a personal level....I FINALLY got to go skiing and probably had the best ski day I have ever had in all the years as a skier. Great snow, great company, no hurting feet, not hurting legs, no out of breath cause of the extra weight I pack now, the sun was out, and just an AWESOME day....*le sigh*
Then I got in a short hike that didn't kill me, so while I might be slightly heavier my body is still strong :) RIGHT ON...now to push that envelope. :)
Mom's move is nearly complete and hauling bolts of fabric out of her vehicle what another workout that was great!!!!
Mr Man is back home and the house is starting to take shape again...those aspects are really starting to feel good so maybe some control will come back into my life again. :)
While frustrations ebb and flow from one aspect of life to another...maybe the swells will start being less huge and rocky into nice flows that we can float through unscathed. :)
I can hope and I will strive for that too. :)
YAY!
Life in general has gotten to be overwhelming with all the deaths, the life upheavals, but also with a lot of joys mixed in.
My latest frustration has come to the dance, FORTUNATELY NOT with my students or classes but just the those that seem to propagate a lot of self promotion with no regard to the cost of their own integrity and ethics as well as to the community as a whole...it is amazing. AND disappointing. :(
I think I will leave it at that for now cause I have shared some on my ucanto blog.
But onto better things on a personal level....I FINALLY got to go skiing and probably had the best ski day I have ever had in all the years as a skier. Great snow, great company, no hurting feet, not hurting legs, no out of breath cause of the extra weight I pack now, the sun was out, and just an AWESOME day....*le sigh*
Then I got in a short hike that didn't kill me, so while I might be slightly heavier my body is still strong :) RIGHT ON...now to push that envelope. :)
Mom's move is nearly complete and hauling bolts of fabric out of her vehicle what another workout that was great!!!!
Mr Man is back home and the house is starting to take shape again...those aspects are really starting to feel good so maybe some control will come back into my life again. :)
While frustrations ebb and flow from one aspect of life to another...maybe the swells will start being less huge and rocky into nice flows that we can float through unscathed. :)
I can hope and I will strive for that too. :)
YAY!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Stresses...
I can honestly say that this last year, while starting out pretty good, and having moments of utter bliss, had some of the worst and most stressful moments imaginable.
Are they going away since 2011 popped its head in...no, sadly enough.
The last year was full of financial whoas, illnesses resulting in deaths, and even an unforeseen death with my own Father.
August emerged and it seemed like the flood gates opened upon us. Much like they are literally doing in various parts of the world currently. I digress.
To have the world spin out of control from August 19th, 2010 and still is doing so has just been more than my body, head, and spirit has been able to endure and same with my partner...he is finally hitting his wall of tolerance to stress and of course work always can add its own layer of stress onto our personal lives too. The frustrating part is there seems to be no end truly in sight.
The fortunate part is our personal stresses, once we push our friends and family our of our lives is relatively stressful enough but manageable (rough but still manageable)...but we don't push our friends and family away because they are an important part to our lives. So, we take on some of their stresses in being the supportive family members we are, the supportive friends we are (and chosen family members) on how to help them in their times of need.
Thusly, we have just now compounded our stress levels to heights that we shouldn't be but there we are...another Mountain to Conquer and hope it doesn't kill us while conquering it too.
We are trying to start to refocus ourselves on what we need to do in our own lives a bit better. Setting some boundaries up so we can make sure to remember to be there for others but not BE THERE ALL THE TIME for others to the point we destroy ourselves. This is the path we seem to be following and that has to stop.
The upsetting part is that people seem to need us. People we care deeply for both in family and friends that we consider like family - the chosen family members. We don't want to turn our backs on any of them, nor will we, but we HAVE to find that happy medium ground or we will implode.
The affects it has already shown us is how we are relating to one another....can we say not so much and negatively.
The physical effects have been taking their toll with weight gain or not achieving weight loss with the efforts in place, tunnel vision episodes, and just plain mental shut down....exploding into moments of rage. Fortunately not AT anyone overall but just a rage explosion that normally wouldn't have happened based on the trigger.
I so much more understand how all those people, when the economic downturned happened, started ending their own lives because it literally caused them to have a mental collapse. I truly get it now. (Wasn't unaware of how it could happen, just didn't personally understand the mind set...but I get it now).
So...what to do?
Don't know but now we are recognizing the problem is happening for us both, now we are taking measures slowly but surely to find our way to some peace inside and finding a means to let the stresses go or at least help them lessen.
A mountain to be sure that we have to conquer....
Then the next step can move forward in life.
Are they going away since 2011 popped its head in...no, sadly enough.
The last year was full of financial whoas, illnesses resulting in deaths, and even an unforeseen death with my own Father.
August emerged and it seemed like the flood gates opened upon us. Much like they are literally doing in various parts of the world currently. I digress.
To have the world spin out of control from August 19th, 2010 and still is doing so has just been more than my body, head, and spirit has been able to endure and same with my partner...he is finally hitting his wall of tolerance to stress and of course work always can add its own layer of stress onto our personal lives too. The frustrating part is there seems to be no end truly in sight.
The fortunate part is our personal stresses, once we push our friends and family our of our lives is relatively stressful enough but manageable (rough but still manageable)...but we don't push our friends and family away because they are an important part to our lives. So, we take on some of their stresses in being the supportive family members we are, the supportive friends we are (and chosen family members) on how to help them in their times of need.
Thusly, we have just now compounded our stress levels to heights that we shouldn't be but there we are...another Mountain to Conquer and hope it doesn't kill us while conquering it too.
We are trying to start to refocus ourselves on what we need to do in our own lives a bit better. Setting some boundaries up so we can make sure to remember to be there for others but not BE THERE ALL THE TIME for others to the point we destroy ourselves. This is the path we seem to be following and that has to stop.
The upsetting part is that people seem to need us. People we care deeply for both in family and friends that we consider like family - the chosen family members. We don't want to turn our backs on any of them, nor will we, but we HAVE to find that happy medium ground or we will implode.
The affects it has already shown us is how we are relating to one another....can we say not so much and negatively.
The physical effects have been taking their toll with weight gain or not achieving weight loss with the efforts in place, tunnel vision episodes, and just plain mental shut down....exploding into moments of rage. Fortunately not AT anyone overall but just a rage explosion that normally wouldn't have happened based on the trigger.
I so much more understand how all those people, when the economic downturned happened, started ending their own lives because it literally caused them to have a mental collapse. I truly get it now. (Wasn't unaware of how it could happen, just didn't personally understand the mind set...but I get it now).
So...what to do?
Don't know but now we are recognizing the problem is happening for us both, now we are taking measures slowly but surely to find our way to some peace inside and finding a means to let the stresses go or at least help them lessen.
A mountain to be sure that we have to conquer....
Then the next step can move forward in life.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
